What Do You Expect?

I have heard people say:

"If you just lower your expectations, you will never be disappointed!"

Even Shakespeare said:

"Expectation is the root of all heartache."

Expectations and disappointments go hand in hand. There is no doubt about that.

But I think we need to clarify a few things regarding expectations for ourselves and our little humans.

In life, problems arise when we have expectations of others and they fail to live up to our expectations. The reality is, we have absolutely no control over what other people will do, say, act, react or respond. So why do we expect them to behave in a particular way? 

It is a society thing. We are conditioned to think this way and often we feel annoyed or frustrated with others and we feel disappointed (and we like to tell them so!) when they don't follow our rules. We think "Well, I would do this or that" or "Why aren't they doing it this way? That's what I would do!"

I know I am not alone! It took me a lot of years before I actually learned about this and figured this one out! 

 Your rules are not the same as mine.

Here is what I have learned that leads to disappointment the most. We have these unconscious set of rules about how people should behave in particular environments. They are the rules we give ourselves and we behave according to our own rules. The problem occurs when we expect other people to be following our rules and they don't! They break our rules!  The reality is - every other person has their own set of rules that they are following. We might not agree or even like their rules but that is not for us to be concerned about. Our job is to understand that everyone has their own set of rules and disappointment comes when we expect others to follow our rules!

 Raise your expectations of yourself.

High expectations of yourself are the key to everything. When we free ourselves from the expectations of others then we discover the opportunity to give back to ourselves. Being able to do this gives us the greatest power of life - our self-respect, our courage, our dreams. It is not important the life meets our great expectations! The most important thing is that we hold the high expectations of ourselves and strive to meet them greatly!

 Disappointment is going to happen.

I love to make plans. I do it all the time. In the past, when life did not go according to my plans, I will be honest...I did not handle that disappointment very well at all! I would get so frustrated, annoyed, angry. I understood that not everything was in my control but that didn't matter! It took a long time to learn my plans were not always going to work out the way I wanted and that disappointment was going to happen and it was not a bad thing! Sometimes a plan is just a list of things that don't happen!

It is how we handle our disappointment that defines us. 

 Learn to Live Greatly!

At the end of the day, it's not about what you have or what you accomplish in life. Life is about who you become, who you helped along the way, who you've made better and what you've given back. When disappointment appeared - it's about how you got back up after the fall. Don't give your disappointment the option of defeat. In order to live greatly, we must find the courage to face our disappointments with gratitude, appreciation and joy and be humble in our successes.

So what are the most important things we need to learn and remember and teach our little humans about expectations and disappointment?

 If you don't get hurt - you will never learn to be brave.

 If you don't make a mistake - you will never learn how to fix them and learn.

 If you never experience failure and disappointment - you will never learn what success is.

 Get clear about what your own rules are and the life you want to lead. Stop focusing on how you expect everyone else to be living.

 Don't be disappointed with one mistake. They are lessons we can learn and grow from.

 It's okay to feel disappointed or sad or angry or frustrated. We learn through experience and we learn our biggest lessons through a negative experience. 

 Disappointment gives us the opportunity to learn that we can cope and manage our emotions. It motivates us to change or do better.

 Have high expectations for yourself and your own life and learning and growth.  

 Understand that other people will not follow the same rules you have because everyone is different and that's okay.

 Life, learning and growth are about taking a risk. Disappointment is a part of that growth.

 Practice gratitude for your own life, what you have and what you are learning, especially in the midst of mistakes and disappointment.

 Teach our little humans to aim high for themselves, have high expectations about who they can be and what they can do in learning and life. Then, support and teach them how to be grateful and manage disappointment when it occurs.

 True strength is forged in gentleness and guided by wisdom. We, as adults, must learn to practice gratitude and manage our own emotions when our expectations are not met, in order to model and teach our little ones. 

 No pressure, no diamonds (Thomas Carlyle). Beauty and strength are created by having high expectations and having pressure gently applied. 

Our responsibility is to have the courage to move through life, set high expectations for ourselves, embrace disappointment and be patient with yourself as you learn and grow.

 Until next week...have a magnificent week!

Clarissa xo