The Myth of Perfection!

I bought a book about procrastination many years ago. I can't recall the exact title but I think it was something like 'Procrastination...Do it later'.

Want to hear the funniest part?

I never actually got around to reading it and the book ended up in a donation pile when we relocated!

I used to be a massive procrastinator! I know everyone procrastinates from time to time but mine was consistent across most areas of life! I am much better these days!

I am currently coming to the end of my Easter school holidays. I have had two lovely weeks of downtime.

Whilst I was planning my downtime, I also had the best intention to get some other stuff done (creating stuff for business etc....not school related!).

However...this did not happen until about two days ago, where I powered through and got HEAPS done that, realistically, could have been done over a week ago and then other stuff could have happened too!

Does anyone else out there do that as well?!

I admit I spent most of the first week wondering why I didn't 'just get started and get it done'! I knew I was procrastinating but did not really know the reason why - as I felt there was really no reason or there should not be a reason!

And then...with a little bit of guidance...I got some clarity!

 I wanted to get it all done so that it was all correct. I wanted the perfect content, the perfect presentation, the perfect structure.

 I wanted to know I was actually on the right track.

 I wanted to know that I was adding enough value to people.

 I knew what I wanted the end product to be but was concerned with making sure that what I saw in my head matched what I was about to do.

The result?

 Nothing got done and I felt annoyed and frustrated with myself because I didn't do what I needed to do!

Now, I would never actually say that I am a 'perfectionist'. But in this case, as with many others, the need for getting things perfect or wanting them to be perfect was the real issue and resulted in me not even starting!

 When you aim for perfection you discover it's a moving target! Nothing is ever going to be perfect and the more we reach, the more it is out of reach!

 Perfectionism is the mother of procrastination!

 Perfection is an illusion. It is not real. Yet so many people seek it out and call themselves 'perfectionists' and those who seek it often find they are unfulfilled or unsatisfied throughout their lives because so many things are either left undone or incomplete.

 Done is better than perfect! Taking ANY kind of action and doing SOMETHING is always better than nothing at all! 

 Start is better than stop. Finish is better than start. Done is better than perfect!

 The key to success is not perfection. It is making peace with the phrase 'Good Enough' and moving on.

So all of this got me thinking about our little humans and their teachers and parents who call themselves 'perfectionists'...

Where does this idea of needing things to be perfect stem from?

 I believe that FEAR can show up as a perfectionist.

Fear of being judged - what if we do it and others don't like it?

Fear of not being good enough - what happens if we put in all this effort and it's still not enough?

Fear of failure - what if I try to do it and I fail?

  Perfectionism is NOT a quest for the best. It is the part of us that tells us that nothing we do will be good enough - that we should try harder.

Yes - we should put in effort into everything we do.

Yes - we should always be aiming for a high standard and pursue excellence. 

No - don't be fooled into thinking that the pursuit of excellence and perfection is the same thing. It is not. 

  It is better to regret something you have done than to regret something you have not.

No one and nothing is perfect. We all know it. We all say it.

 Yet I still hear teachers say they are perfectionists and we all know how much we can procrastinate and put things off in our daily working life!

 I also hear parents make the excuse for their children - 'Oh well I am a perfectionist so he/she probably is too'. 

Don't be fooled! It does not exist. It is just an excuse for not starting or feeding into a fear that you have somewhere deep inside (and we all have them!)

Our kids carry the same fears we have.

We need to be teaching our little humans to always:

Strive for growth, not perfection.

If you or your child is avoiding something because you want it to be perfect, keep these questions and statements in mind:

 What action can I do RIGHT NOW to just get started?

  I can think of this as my 'first draft'. Then once it is done I can go back and tweak, fix, change or edit.

 Good enough is good enough FOR NOW!

 Focus on the next step, not the finished product.

 I am not a perfect human being. I do not have to be nor should I pretend to be one. But it is necessary that I am always striving to be my best and do my best. 

 I need to show my imperfections to my children so they can see what to model.

 I can not learn anything from being perfect or doing perfect work. I can only learn when I make my mistakes and learn how to be or do better.

Perfectionism is a self-destructive and an addictive belief system that fuels this primary thought:

If I look perfect and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimise the painful feelings of shame judgement and blame.

(Brene Brown)

Until next week...I hope you have a perfectly imperfect week!

Clarissa xo