The Answer is Simple

 Is there a part of your life that you look at and want to change but find yourself repeating the same habits over and over?

Me too! It frustrates me no end and I have pretty much spent the last 20 years or so trying to figure out the 'one thing' that is getting in my way of just doing what I need to do! 

When it comes to health or family or work - the thing is - we already know what the rules are or what we need to do and yet, it seems to be human nature to repeat mistakes resulting in pain, frustration and beating ourselves up.

The problem I have discovered - is that when we repeat the same behaviours and we feel that pain, we end up asking a question that does serve or support us!

I spend my days teaching my class of six-year-olds that we have the power of choice. Each decision and choice we make impacts ourselves as well as those around us. I also teach that repeating the same mistake or behaviour over and over again, without change and expecting a different result, is the sign of a crazy person or crazy behaviour!! 

Because let's face it...why would someone willingly and knowingly repeat the same behaviour that causes pain or frustration?

I don't know. I don't have the answer. I have been looking for the answer for a long time and have not found it. I have been asking myself questions about trying to find the right answer and even that has not worked!

But this week I had a visit to my chiro who does energy and breath work. I have a pain in the same spot on my back that I can not seem to shift. I made this comment to him:

"I am 44 years old! You would think I would have this all sorted and figured out by now!"

Funny, right?!

His reply was:

"Clarissa, you have spent your whole life ignoring the patterns of your body. It's a slow process to create change when there has been resistance."

It is not that I am resisting in my heart because like most people, I want the change. But my head...well that is a different story.

I think I have mentioned the Tony Robbins phrase before -

Get in your head and your dead!

I talk and teach about leading and living from the heart and I think for most areas of my life I do that...except when I am judging myself for not being where I want to be already or where I thought I would be by now. THEN...I am in my head and it becomes all too frustrating and painful. 

Can anybody out there relate to that?

As my chiro is an hour and a half away, I like to say that my husband is my captive audience! However, last week...I felt like his and I probably need to admit that I was not a willing audience member!

I started the discussion. I invited him into the conversation but did not want to hear what he had to say. I could hear what he was saying and while part of it made sense, my head simply wanted to stick with what was easy and less painful. If I could just figure this out...If I just found the answer to why I do this or that...What is wrong with me that I can't figure this out?

The man who has my heart and who knows me so well made a very good point - (I did NOT admit that to him at that moment!) - 

What if the answer I was so desperately seeking about 'why' I keep repeating negative patterns of behaviour was actually the problem itself?

What if there is no 'WHY?' but the pattern of looking for an answer was the real problem because I was not focused on the solution but looking for reasons instead?

 Most of us are looking for answers but are asking the wrong questions!

 Most of us are trying to figure why we do the things we do but we are looking in the wrong place.

 We spend our time searching for an answer to 'explain' or give a reason for our past behaviours and so we look back to the past to try and figure that out instead of implementing a solution!

 You know you are a good person and because of that - you find yourself going around in circles because ultimately there must be a reason for your decisions and patterns of behaviour that don't serve you but you still keep repeating them.

 Most of us are in frustration with ourselves and our behaviours because we are not learning what we need to learn or we are not utilising the lesson that we already know!

 A change in behaviour begins with a change in the heart. We have GOT to get out of our heads, feel the pain and step into the truth of what we already know so that we can shift and change our patterns of behaviour.

 The only reason you should ever look back is to see how far you've come.

 Do you ever ask yourself questions about why you do the things you do? Or wonder why you made some of the choices you did?

 Why do we spend so much time looking back for the answers?

 How do we teach our kids to search for answers to their problems or patterns of behaviours without spending all their time looking back to the past?

TOP TIPS FOR OURSELVES AND OUR KIDS:

 We learn more by looking for the answer to a question and not finding it than we do from learning the answer itself.

Sometimes the answer is not finding the answer but the process of learning what we know already and what we need to do next.

 Sometimes when you're looking for an answer you search everywhere else before you look at whats right in front of you.

Sometimes the obvious answer IS the right one!

 Every decision you have ever made has brought you exactly to where you are today - exactly where you are meant to be.

You are not supposed to have all the answers. (I love using this line in class!) Your job is just to be searching and seeking knowledge to be the best version of yourself right now.

You get to choose a different pattern of behaviour or learning in every moment of the day because in every moment you get to choose. 

 There are a lot of things in our lives that are simply beyond our control and while we all know this in our hearts, our head tries to control everything! 

Stop overthinking, overcomplicating and overanalysing things. Trust your heart, even if it is uncomfortable to choose.

 It takes time for your body to get used to new patterns of behaviour and we have to be consistently conscious - which takes effort.

So be patient and be kind to yourself in the process.

You, us, we and all the kids we know, are worth taking the time to know that our journey is unfolding exactly as it should be. All the mistakes, all the repeated behaviour patterns, all the pain, frustration, anguish - it is all teaching you the lesson you need. We just need to learn to look in the right place - which is right now. Trust that you already have the answer. 

Sometimes, the problem we have is actually from trying to seek an answer we already know but we think it seems too simple. 

You are what you have been looking for. The answer is always in you alone. There is nothing in the external world. For the external world is an emanation of your own mind, your own thinking and your own imagination. You created this world.

Robert Adams

Until next week...have a wonderful and present week.

Clarissa xo