How Certain Are You?

The quality of our life is directly related to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably handle.

(Tony Robbins) 

We move through life in an interesting way. Everything we do is meeting one of our core human needs. Two of those six needs is the need for Certainty and the need for Variety (or Uncertainty). Now, we all have these needs but we all meet them in different ways. 

The last couple of weeks have been crazy busy at school. Reporting, assessing, marking, tired kids, weary teachers and parents, shorter days with winter and it all starts to compound. 

I am usually pretty good these days at recognising when I am in overwhelm. HOWEVER...this time I did not see it coming! I was trying to ensure I was working on my to-do list, look after my year level team to support and encourage them to try and avoid overwhelm and didn't see it sneak up on me and catch me unaware!

The need for certainty is all about control. 

We all know there are some things we can control in life, yet there are many things we cannot. 

Home life and work life impact each other.

At school, I know there are so many factors I can control and I know how things work and what is coming. This has a flow-on effect into my home life - particularly around working out and eating and getting other things done. So when things are smooth and I have a lot of certainty about where I am at and how I am travelling along - it's great!

But here was my problem - school being school, there are always things being trickled down and added to your list. Now normally, I add them to my list and then prioritise. But unfortunately...that did not happen this time! 

What actually happened was - and I did not learn or realise this until this week - I was losing my certainty about getting everything done on time. My list was getting longer, the time frame was getting shorter, time pressure kicked in, I was trying to look after my class and my team and all of a sudden, I felt like things were starting to feel beyond my control. This was all happening unconsciously. Like I said - normally I can spot it coming!

So here is what happens in life...

 When one thing shifts, so does another. Because I was not feeling certain or in control of my work balance, I needed to fulfil my need for certainty and control in some other way.

For me - it seems my default is exercise and food. It sounds crazy but it is what it is. So, I tell myself - I am too tired, I have too much work to do, I am not going to get it all done so, therefore...I do not have time to go the gym and exercise. That is very quickly followed by - well I also do not have time to cook dinner and make lunches. You can see where this is going, right?!

So...because I feel like I lack the control of time and to-do lists at work, I shift my focus to controlling my food and exercise at home. Now...for me though, the control is a negative one, not a positive one. Other people may have the same experience and they focus on control this area in a more positive way. Unfortunately like I said - that has not been my default!

 It is how we embrace the uncertainty in our lives that leads to great transformations of our souls.

I have learned that leaning into the uncertainty is scary! It can be painful and uncomfortable and it may bring up your fears. However, finding the courage to lean in, despite of our fears and feeling like things are out of our control, allow us to discover our strengths and our beauty. 

It is those moments, if we embrace the uncertainty, that we are on our journey to becoming the person we need to be. It is in those moments when nothing is certain that anything is possible!

 It is important to track and measure and check-in.

My homework this last week was to be conscious of my level of uncertainty at the beginning of each day and then to check-in throughout the day. With 10 being the highest point of uncertainty, I had to rate where I felt I was out as I moved through the day. If I felt like I was at a 6 or 7, I had to come up with a plan to help shift that. It has been the best thing I have done over the last few days!

Being conscious of my control or movement into a lack of control at work has helped to shift my focus onto the things I can control. It was simply that I was going into overwhelm because I was not thinking about it consciously.

How can you change, tweak or alter anything if you do not track and measure?

Being unconscious of your level of uncertainty or feeling like things are out of your control is the most significant factor in work stress and overwhelm - which can EASILY be avoided, if we just check-in!

 Our kids have the SAME human needs that we do.

But CERTAINTY is their main one. They need to know they are safe and secure and that everything in life is consistently the same patterns. It is a survival need for them.

 Kids behaviours are driven purely in order to attempt to have one of their needs met.

We don't always like the behaviours we see. So here is my tip of the day:

The behaviour you see is never for no reason at all. It is ALWAYS to meet a need they feel like they are not having met. 

You may have seen this written before: 

The kids who need the most love will ask for it in the most unloving way!

When we feel uncertain, we change our behaviours to try and gain some control. It's not always the right way but sometimes it is what we do.

Our little humans are no different. When they feel like they have no control over a particular area of life, their behaviour shifts to try and regain some control.

  Life is the art of living with uncertainty without being paralyzed by fear

 How can you lean into your fear in order to push through it? Whether it is at work or home?

 What is it that you are really afraid of? What step or thing are you avoiding because you are uncertain of what will happen or what the outcome will be?

As adults, this is where most of our fear lies in the uncertainty of not knowing what will happen if you do...whatever it is you are avoiding!

 On a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being really uncertain/ afraid/ not in control), where are you today in regards to work/ getting things finished on time/ going to the next level/ your health/ exercising today/ eating well/ being patient with your family...etc?

Stay conscious and check-in.  

It's not always easy. But it's worth it. 

Fear, discomfort and uncertainty are your compasses towards growth. We must let go of the life we had planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.

Joseph Campbell

Until next week...have a mindful week my friends,

Clarissa xo