How BIG is your problem?

You can tell the size of the person by the size of the problem that gets them down.

(Eric Worre)

This quote was given to me during the last week. It followed on from a discussion about being resilient. There have been a few things that have popped up for me over the last few weeks and it was brought to my attention that perhaps I was not as resilient as I thought I was!

The definition of resilience is the ability to bounce back from a difficulty or challenge. 

So, what I discovered about myself was: I do actually have some resilience, as I have the ability to bounce back in a reasonable amount of time....except...I do not have a lot of resilience in the moment itself when things are not going the way I expected in my mind!

I should say at this point, these moments very rarely happen when I am work! The unexpected has happened enough times at work that they are easy to manoeuvre through. It is at home that the moments happen more often!

But it got me thinking. I talk to my students all the time about how we problem solve our way through challenges in order to help us to become more resilient and yet, I am not consistently taking my own advice!

So when that quote was given to me, my first thought was 'Oh no!' because the reality is - the challenges I have been having, were really not been that big at all, everything has eventually worked itself out (as I knew it would) but I behaved and responded in a way that seemed like the world was about to end! (Totally not joking!!) The quote really made an impact!

Our job is to teach our little humans that they can choose the direction they want to go in any situation. It is up to us to show and teach them how to respond and react. We are allowed to feel that frustration of things not working out or a challenge that seems impossibly difficult. We are just not allowed to stay in that feeling and use our energy on staying there instead of moving through it.

 * When I have a rigid expectation in my mind about how I expect a moment or an interaction or situation to 'be' and it does not turn out exactly as I had expected - this is the moment of struggle and challenge.

* I realised that it is exactly the same for our little humans. As they are creatures of habit, they like things how they like them, right? So the expectation is there of what something will be like or how it might turn out and when it is not how they expect, they struggle.

* Learning how to become more resilient in the moment is something we can teach ourselves and our little humans. BUT...in order to teach ourselves, we first must become aware of how we react to things, how long we stay feeling the way we do and what we actually do with that emotion. 

* Becoming aware and learning how to move through it is, like anything new where growth is concerned, messy and challenging, but oh, so worth it! We need to be conscious. 

* I was encouraged to journal it. I have only journaled a few times in my life and it is not something I have been very consistent at...but apparently, it is a good thing for clearing emotions and thoughts out of your head and for gaining some clarity. So, I am going to give it a go! (If your kids are old enough to write, this is also a great thing for them to do as well)

We all need some ways to support ourselves and our little humans to build resilience in the smaller moments so that when they bigger moments come, they (and we) have some strategies in place.

The best question that was suggested I ask myself was:

 So, what am I going to do now? (Or you can ask: What are you going to do now?)

Answer? Just keep going! Push forward! Push through. Everything will be alright. Everything will work itself out. Maybe not the way I was expecting but everything will work out. Because ultimately...it always does!

So I guess the question we really need to ask next is:

 What are some strategies to help ourselves and our little humans move through the emotions that arise in moments of challenge, so they develop and build resilience to bounce back faster each time?

1. Perspective - How BIG is the problem? Is it a pebble, rock or boulder problem? (Heard this from my teaching partner recently. Thought it was a great analogy!) Determining the size of the problem is a great way to help understand the size of the reaction we might experience.

2. Humour - either using humour to change or shift the emotion or learning how to see the humour in the moment. 

3. Distraction - always a good one. Finding something to shift focus. Remember where focus goes, energy flows. So what we focus on is where all of our energy is going to move to.

4. Acknowledge & Accept - letting yourself and your little humans know it's ok to feel the emotions you have. Recognising that you have them and know that it is ok.

5. Reframing - What can we learn from this? How can we do it better next time?

6. Flexible Thinking - You could be right. But have you thought about this...?

7. Asking for help - it is always ok to ask for help when things get tough! Always! No matter the situation or challenge! Or asking "How can I help you move through this?'

8. Hope & Solutions - Teaching and learning that everything, eventually, will work itself out and that we can come up with a range of ways to problem solve to help move through it.

There's brilliance in your resilience! The human spirit is mentally tough, spiritually empowered and amazingly hard-wired with bounce back abilities!

Ty Howard

Until next week....have the most resilient week!

Clarissa xo