Find your Tribe

An American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker, Jim Rohn, once stated:

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with."

I heard this quote a long time ago and understood it but never really thought about it too much.

It wasn't until about 3 years ago that this quote started to make sense. I had a long time friend, a wonderful friend who I had known for 27 years - since high school. We used to catch up every few months and all was well! Until one day, out of the blue, after trying to get in touch with her many months, I asked a direct question about why I felt she was avoiding me and I received an email response. 

'For some time I've felt our relationship was no longer what it used to be - not due to any particular occurrence or reason, but just one of those cases where people grow apart.'

At the time, I was devastated, upset and angry! How did I not know about this? How did I not see it coming? Was it me? What on earth just happened?!

Have you ever experienced anything like this where a friend has 'broken up' with you unexpectedly? Or simply stopped talking or connecting with you?

I didn't realise, until months later how this moment in life was something that needed to happen for all the right reasons and I should have recognised it sooner.

 People come and go for a reason. 

Everyone that has been in your life has been there for a reason, to teach you something, to love or experience life with you. We don't always know the reason but we can get better at recognising the lessons. That's the beautiful thing about life. It is everchanging and flowing in different directions with different people.

 You don't need everyone to love you, just a few good people.

This is a big one for me and I think for a lot of people. We have this thing in us about wanting to be liked - by everyone! The reality is, is that not everyone will like you and that is okay. You just need a few people in your circle who see you. You need those people in your corner. The people who recognise what your strengths and weaknesses are and are still cheering you on anyway! They are the voices we all need.

 Vampire Friends

I heard this from a speaker recently and I thought it was very interesting! Have you got friends in your life that take a lot of energy to be around? There are people in all of our lives that take up a lot of mental energy to be around and it is just a draining relationship. This speaker labelled them vampire friends. The friends who kind of suck the energy right out of you just being around them. People can inspire you or drain you. We need to learn to pick them wisely.

  Find your tribe

Learning how to identify your tribe is such a valuable skill for us to learn and to teach our kids. Our little humans have the same desire as us - everyone likes to be liked. But knowing who to spend our time with is more important.

So I have come up with a few questions to ask to help ourselves to determine how we can find our tribe.

 Who are the five people you spend the most time with? 

 Are you ever doubting that they are really happy for you?

Don't answer this question quickly but think of all the times in the last six months or so when you have shared good news with someone.

 Did you feel like they were as happy as you were?

Here is how we tell the difference: 

 When you share good news with someone - a truly good friend will mirror and match that excitement with you.

 Someone who is not as happy for you will come in with dream killer questions. They will question your success, they will doubt your success, they think of all the negatives.

Dream killers are not always bad. They are great if you need to share an idea in order to look at it from all angles and consider all possibilities both good or bad. But they are not the people you go to when you have good news to share.

 Do your friends motivate you and inspire you?

 Do you motivate and inspire them?

Your circle of friends should be well rounded and supportive. Choose quality over quantity - always!

 Do the people around you remind you that a bump in the road is just a bump and that you can pick yourself up and keep going?

 Do you feel better or feel more joy after seeing them?

If you walk away after spending time with a friend and you are zapped of energy, that might be an opportunity to reassess the relationship.

Surround yourself with the people who push you and challenge you. Surround yourself with the people who make you better, who make you want to be better and who bring joy and happiness into your life. Stick with the people who bring the magic out of you!

Surround yourself with the dreamers. Surround yourself with the people who see greatness within you even when you don't see it in yourself.

Until next week...have a magnificently mindful week!

Clarissa xo