Emotional Control

Have you ever had those moments where you wish you could just yell and let everything you are feeling out?

Where you have felt like all of the emotion has been building up inside - due to life events or a collection of moments  - and they just need to be released somehow? 

Welcome to the world of how our little humans might feel!

I am here to share with you: you are not alone in feeling like this! It is okay!

Every single person on this planet experiences the same emotions and feelings. The circumstances around those or leading up to those feelings may vary, but the thoughts and feelings are all the same.

The problem is, is that a lot of us are conditioned from a very young age, to keep our emotions in and be mindful of when and where we show our feelings. Which...to some degree I get. 

The problem is, this conditioning can often lead us to think we have to be in complete control of every emotion we have and it often results in us judging our emotions as they come up. Especially if they are showing up when we don't want them to.

So how DO we learn to deal with and release unwanted emotion and how do we teach our little humans as well? Often the unwanted behaviours we see in children is because children have not yet learnt how to express or manage their emotions. They have difficulty in explaining them and are unsure how to express them, so what we see is the behaviour.

Here are a few things that are IMPORTANT to keep in mind:

 It is important to know and name the emotions.

If we can't name it, we can't tame it or change it! Our emotions need to be educated as much as our academic intellect does. It is so important to know how to feel and how to respond and how to live your life fully.

 It is important not to judge our emotions.

Sometimes I think to myself: Why am I still feeling like this? Why can't I get a hold of this and move on? It seems so stupid that I am letting this still affect me! This is all simply judgement. I have recently learned that it really doesn't matter about the 'Why'. What matters is that we learn to be okay with whatever feelings and emotions we have that rise up when they do.

Our job is not to judge but to acknowledge them, feel them and then let them go.

 It is important to NOT hold on!

You may know some people in your life that have been experiencing or reliving a particular pattern of emotion for a very long time. Holding on to emotion is detrimental to not only your emotional wellbeing but also your physical well-being. Often emotional pain shows up as a physical pain within our body. We just don't realise. Even if you don't believe that to be true - WHY would you CHOOSE to hold onto the emotional pain you are experiencing?

Don't become the emotion. Witness it, allow it to happen and then release it and let it go.

 It is important to not ignore or turn off your emotions. 

Life can be downright challenging at times. Some chapters are so painful that some people to struggle to find their way out or to breathe. This can sometimes result in the extreme action of shutting down and turning off all emotions. We might call this numbing. We might do this with food or alcohol or some other vice but the problem is the pain is still there. We still feel it. We have to acknowledge whatever we are feeling. We have to face it. It won't always be comfortable or easy but acknowledging it is the first step to healing and then one day, the pain will make sense.

How do we help ourselves move through them more effectively and how do we teach our little humans about their emotions?

 Acknowledge, acknowledge, acknowledge!

First, don't judge yourself for experiencing negative emotions. Acknowledge that it is natural to experience them. Second, understand that to continue to hold on to them is a choice.

Our job is to teach our little humans that is okay to feel what they feel. It is so easy for adults to brush aside the emotions our kids are feeling. Before being able to address behaviour or move on, this is the easiest, simplest and most valuable thing we can ever do. Our kids need to know that whatever they are feeling - it is okay to feel it.

 It's all about control

Emotions and behaviours we see in little humans initially come from change and a feeling of wanting control. Because it is challenging for young kids to express their emotions and what they are feeling - whether it is anxiety, worry, anger, frustration, sadness - we have to figure out how to help them name it and work through it. If we can not learn and teach both ourselves and our humans how to acknowledge and release the emotions, they will end up controlling us.

In little humans, this shows up as unwanted behaviours, headaches, stomach aches etc. The most important part after acknowledging is teaching them the importance of knowing it is okay to feel it and then let it go.

 All we can control are our reactions and responses.

It is our responsibility to learn and teach that we can NOT control everything. There are so many things in our life where we can not control what is happening! Our power comes from the challenge of controlling how we respond to what is happening.

Self-control is knowing you can but deciding that you won't. We only have control over ourselves and how we manage our emotions and responses. I have seen adults that make the choice to be completely out of control with their emotions, thinking it is okay to talk to and treat others a particular way because they are angry or upset or worried. It IS important to control our emotions but in order to do that, we must feel the pain and acknowledge it. 

If you need to cry - cry. If you need to laugh - laugh! If you need to yell and shout - yell and shout! The shouting should NOT be aimed at any other human being but there are times when an emotional release is absolutely necessary! You might want to journal or meditate or run or dance. You might do one of those things while crying or shouting or laughing!! Whatever it is for you - figure out what your release is so you can be the master of your emotions!

 Brave Buddy

A parent of one of my little humans was talking to me this week about a 'Brave Buddy' she had started to try with her little one to try and help him manage some negative emotions. I thought it was worth the share! This little one has a lot of worry and anxiety and often feels uncertain about a lot of things. So upon a suggestion, she purchased a little toy (any pocket size toy)and called it his 'Brave Buddy'. She told him that whenever he was worried or concerned about something, his brave buddy would help him to find his courage. 

Now the cool part about this story is, I noticed a definite and positive change over the last couple of days - behaviours I had not observed for most of the year! I had no idea about the brave buddy until I spoke to the parent on Friday afternoon. It is such a simple concept and idea! Might be worth trying out!

Go and be the master of your emotions! Be okay with how you are feeling and what you are feeling! Acknowledge them and let them go! Be okay with being perfectly human!

Self-control is strength. Right thought is mastery. Calmness is power.

 James Allen

Until next week....have a wonderful emotionally balanced week!

Clarissa xo