Bend or Snap

I have always said I am an easy going kind of person.

I think my strengths are that I like people, I love to talk, ask questions, get to know others. I believe I am easy to get along with. 

I like to think that I am not easily phased when things go wrong or don't go according to my plan or the plan I had in my head. For this, I would have used the word flexible...but I have been wondering lately...how flexible I really am!

The definition of the word flexible is: 

 adaptable

 versatile

 fluid

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 Being flexible in life requires letting go of control.

Uh-oh! So...this is my downfall! I know I am not alone so I hope you are able to relate! I am a LOT better than I used to be. I am definitely learning and changing and growing but this is something I am still learning! Trying to control the outcome of every situation is just insanity. It will drive you crazy and it will just make you generally unhappy! Why? Because you can't. It's that simple. It doesn't matter whether you are at work, at home, with family, with friends...you can NOT control anything beyond yourself.

We can only control how we respond when things change. We call that: Adaptability

 If you can't be flexible in life, you become irritable.

Do you ever find yourself feeling frustrated or irritated when things just don't work out according to the plan you had in your head or the way you thought they would?

I love that hindsight is 20-20! I can see, now that I look back over my life, that any time the plan in my head or the expectation of what should happen, didn't - I would most definitely feel annoyed and irritated by it. The problem with that is, it takes out all the joy from the situation and you lose the potential experience because you are too busy being in your head, thinking about what went wrong!

Now that I think about it, I thought I really was flexible as long as I knew exactly what was going to happen and that it happened in the way I expected! 

No wonder I was irritable when things changed!

 Embrace uncertainty and change and live your life as one great creative adventure.

Being flexible in how we approach life will create something incredible for us! It will give us the ability to be more spontaneous, more present in each moment and as a result, life will be filled with excitement, joy and adventures. It does not have to be a grand, climb Mt Everest, kind of adventure. I simply mean, looking for the unexpected in each day. The moments that you don't plan for but realise how incredible they are! Aren't the most memorable moments in life the unplanned ones?

 At some point, you have to let go of what you thought should happen and live in what is happening.

I used to get really frustrated when what was happening in my life was out of my control. For me though, it wasn't about just that moment. I found it difficult to let it go quickly. Learning to be flexible and adaptable in life is learning to change your attitudes, habits and needs as the circumstances around you change. It is about reorganising your thoughts to know that everything is still okay. Not bad...just different to what you were thinking or expecting. 

 A great life is to be able to ebb and flow.

Think about the water and the power of the ocean or a tree in the ground. 

Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it. (Lao Tzu) For the tree - It is better to bend than break. Why then, do we feel the need to dig deep and stay unmoving in our thoughts and actions? Why do we expect everything to happen the way we plan in our heads?

The mind itself is a flexible thing. So perhaps it is time for us to adjust it in order for us to see a better world and live a more flexible, joyful life.

 The measure of intelligence is the ability to change. (Albert Einstein) 

I don't think a lack of flexibility or adaptability in life makes you less smart. But I certainly agree with old Albert on this statement. My perception is, that it probably has more to do with Emotional Intelligence. Emotional Intelligence is simply the ability to be aware of, control and express our own emotions and to be able to handle relationships and situations with empathy and without judgement. It is what we need to develop our adaptability to the curve balls life likes to throw at us!  

 Blessed are the flexible for they will not be bent out of shape!

So how then, do we learn to become more flexible with our work environment, our colleagues, our family, our friends and other areas of our life?

And HOW do we help our little humans become more flexible, adaptable and more resilient as well?

 Be willing to change because life won't stay the same.

First, we must be willing to change. Everything we do or say, the way we react and respond - it is all in our control. We get to choose, remember? Life is all about change, adapting, and never staying the same. You don't live the same day the same way twice. So, why would we think we can control situations, even if we have experienced something similar before? 

If we are not willing to let go of some control, we will remain in the same frustrated state we have always been. Our job is to learn to be flexible, adaptable and comfortable with uncertainty.

Things to say to self and little humans:

  I was not expecting this change. This is out of my control. What I can control right now is... 

 How can I be flexible and adaptable at this moment?

 How can I find joy at this moment?

 What can you choose to do right now? 

 What is in your control? 

 How can you choose to respond now that things didn't go the way you were expecting?

 The more flexible we become in our thinking and in our being, the more we open ourselves up to self-awareness and growth.

The more we do it, the easier it becomes. It is hard for kids because they are naturally driven by their need for certainty, the need to feel safe. This is why kids actually thrive on boundaries and rules and knowing what to expect. So when things change, they find it more challenging to be flexible because certainty drives them. 

But we get to gently guide, teach and encourage the skills of flexibility and adaptability every time it shows up for them - at home or school. This is powerful even in the smallest of moments. This is what builds resilience.

 Be stubborn about your goals and flexible about your methods

Whatever you are working on - whether it is a goal or just a simple task around the house or work - being focused is fantastic! For kids, learning something new, being part of a team, having the persistence to continue is all part of being stubborn about the goal.

Here is the key to remember though:

 Things might not go according to your plan! 

You might have the BEST laid out plan, everything is super organised, you are on track, you are absolutely crushing it and then....SPANNER!  

Something will happen to completely throw all of your plans out the window or bring them to a screeching halt! What do you do then? 

Do you think...oh well! That's it all over!

Or do you reassess the situation, decide on some alternative action and keep moving forward?  

I admit...I am the first one! I am working on continuing to develop the skills of reassessing! 

And so....I teach and do, teach and do!

You see, the art of life lies in the constant readjustment to our surroundings. If we are able to learn and develop that skill in ourselves and our kids, imagine how much more open-minded we might become? Imagine being open to welcoming new alternatives into our daily lives and situations!

We learn flexibility and adaptability.

If we fail to adapt, we fail to move forward in life. 

Until next week...have a magnificent week!

Clarissa xo